Hamlet: An UnFanfiction
by Kirity-Kitty
Summary: Okay, so I got bored in class and we were watching Hamlet. I really don't like the story that much and started writing this. This is a good example why they need to assign more entertaining books in school.


UN-Fanfiction Story: Hamlet

Hamlet is insane, Millie thought. She continued watching the movie with a stoic look on her face. She smirked on the inside. He admits it! Millie wasn't very good at speaking Shakespeare, but she could catch the important things. It helped that she saw the emotion that was supposed to be used.

King Claudius started talking and Millie lost interest. She scanned the classroom, but found nothing of interest. She turned to her thoughts to let them wander. Millie closed her eyes and layed her head on the desk. She heard the murmurs of Hamlet arguing with himself. In her mind she made mental images of all the characters. They stood in line facing her; Hamlet to her right.

"Here's what you need to do," she said. Hamlet nodded and looked as if he was paying very close attention. "Your uncle killed your dad so revenge is a must." She strode over and stood in front of Claudius. King Claudius was taken aback by her sudden movement when she pointed at him. "This guy killed your dad with poison when he didn't pray so you have to kill him when he has yet to pray." She turned to him. "Have you prayed?"

"Not yet," he answered in a royal tone.

"See now Hamlet. This would be a fine time to strike," she said, mocking his tone. Hamlet prepared to fight, but Millie raised her hand and stopped him. "Not here. I don't want any blood stains." Hamlet scoffed. "Next, we have Polonius." She looked around for him.

Hamlet smiled. "I already killed him."

Millie looked surprised. "Really?" Hamlet nodded in confirmation. "Well, then…moving on. Ophelia is totally going to be your wife." Ophelia blushed. Hamlet opened his mouth, but Millie hushed him with a wave of her hand. "No arguments. Now, since you're marrying Ophelia, Laertes is your new brother in-law so there is no reason to kill him." Laertes let out a sigh of relief. "Your mom is a cheating whore so she has to go."

"What," Gertrude said in a soft voice.

Millie rolled her eyes and snapped. The snapping sound reverberated throughout her mind as a trap door opened beneath the cheating queen and she fell into darkness.

"Where does that lead," Hamlet asked.

Millie smiled like the devil. "You don't want to know." Hamlet gasped. "Who else do we have?"

"What of my good friend Horatio," he asked happily.

"He'll be the best man at your wedding."

"What of my father's ghost?"

"What about him?"

"Will he be released from his eternal damnation?"

"He's dead…Does it really matter?"

Hamlet glared at her.

Millie let out a heavy sigh. "Fine. He'll be released from his eternal damnation."

"Very good," Hamlet said with a smile.

"You should make Fortinbras your ally because if you don't he'll take over your land."

"What gives you that thought?"

"I like Fortinbras. He will destroy you."

Hamlet took a step back.

"Come Hamlet, walk with me."

Reluctantly, Hamlet joined Millie as she walked through the seemingly endless black room. "What news might you have of my soldiers, Francisco, Barnardo and Marcellus?"

"Nothing changes for them. After you kill your uncle the ghost will no longer show up and they will go on with their duties."

"Cornelius and Voltemand?"

"I thought Voldemort was from Harry Potter," she wondered aloud. Hamlet was about to speak, but Millie began again, "I don't care; do what you want with them." There was a short pause. "What should I do about you though?"

"About me?"

"Yeah. You're an emo crybaby. You argue with yourself about getting revenge on your evil uncle, you're melancholic which makes you a drag to hang around, and you kill yourself in the play." Millie sighed. "What should I do with you?"

"Uh…let me live," he suggested shakily.

Millie smiled. "No. I don't think I will." Mille snapped and some chains appeared around him.

"But…I thought this would have a happy ending!"

"That's nonsense. This is Shakespeare we're talking about. There are no happy endings."


End file.
